We all experience moments when our actions fall short of our aspirations. This gap between what we want and what we actually do can often feel like an insurmountable divide, creating a sense of frustration and stagnation, and it's easy to become disheartened when the distance between our goals and our current state seems to widen each day.
To bridge the gap between what we want and what we actually do, it’s essential to take deliberate steps towards aligning our actions with our goals and values. This gap often manifests as a lack of motivation, feelings of depression, or a sense of being stuck in a rut. But the good news is, you can close this gap and move forward with purpose and clarity.
Dr. Rachel Hershenberg, a renowned psychotherapist and researcher in the field of depression, offers valuable insights in her book Activating Happiness. She outlines five key principles that can help you overcome low motivation and feelings of being stuck. These principles are not just theoretical concepts but practical strategies designed to shift your mindset and actions towards greater alignment with your personal goals and values.
Principal 1: Approach Rather Than Avoid
When faced with challenging situations or uncomfortable emotions, our instinct is often to avoid them. This natural tendency to sidestep discomfort can lead to a cycle of procrastination and negative thinking, which exacerbates feelings of stress and helplessness.
Consider a scenario where you plan to go to the gym after work. The idea sounds great in the morning, but by evening, fatigue sets in, and you decide to skip the workout. You tell yourself you’ll go tomorrow, but this avoidance reinforces the habit of procrastination. Over time, this pattern can erode your confidence and commitment.
Instead, try a different approach: when you get home and feel the urge to skip the gym, reframe the situation. Rather than abandoning your exercise routine altogether, opt for a less demanding form of activity, like a brisk walk. This approach not only helps you stay consistent with your fitness goals but also reduces the mental burden of guilt and failure. By addressing the situation directly, you build resilience and maintain momentum, even in the face of obstacles.
Approaching rather than avoiding challenges allows you to gradually build tolerance and capacity for handling discomfort. Each small victory reinforces a positive feedback loop, making it easier to tackle bigger goals in the future.
Principal 2: Implement Self-Care
Self-care isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a fundamental aspect of maintaining productivity and emotional well-being. When you neglect your basic needs—whether it's due to work demands, social commitments, or personal habits—you set yourself up for decreased energy and motivation.
Imagine you’re working on a crucial project, having skipped lunch and feeling drained from a late night out. You’re tempted to procrastinate because your energy is low, which can delay your progress and increase your stress. This cycle of fatigue and procrastination creates a downward spiral that can be hard to break.
Implementing self-care involves proactive strategies to sustain your energy and mental clarity. Regular meals, adequate sleep, and exercise are foundational elements. For instance, starting your day with a nutritious breakfast and incorporating short breaks throughout your workday can help maintain your focus and reduce burnout.
Additionally, developing routines like stretching in the morning, setting limits on alcohol consumption, and incorporating mindfulness practices can significantly enhance your overall well-being. By prioritising self-care, you ensure that you have the physical and mental stamina to meet your goals effectively, rather than being bogged down by avoidable setbacks.
Principal 3: Follow Discomfort, Not Emotions
At various crossroads in life, you encounter choice-points where you must decide between immediate pleasure and long-term benefit. The tendency to opt for immediate gratification—like binge-watching Netflix instead of going to bed on time—can undermine your long-term goals and well-being.
For example, after a long, demanding day, you might feel an overwhelming urge to watch just one more episode of your favourite show. While the immediate pleasure is tempting, it often leads to regret when you wake up tired and unproductive the next day. This choice between instant gratification and long-term benefits highlights the conflict between short-term emotions and long-term goals.
To navigate these choice-points effectively, practice recognising and addressing your emotional responses. When faced with the urge to indulge in instant pleasure, pause and consider the long-term impact. Small, intentional decisions to align with your values—such as turning off the TV and going to bed on time—build discipline and reinforce your commitment to long-term success.
Over time, these deliberate choices can lead to significant improvements in your life. Each time you choose discomfort in favour of long-term benefits, you strengthen your ability to make mindful decisions that align with your overarching goals.
Principal 4: When Your Schedule Is Full, Do More
While it may seem counterintuitive, filling your schedule with diverse activities can enhance your happiness and reduce feelings of overwhelm. Our brains thrive on stimulation and novelty, which can boost motivation and overall satisfaction.
For instance, engaging in new and challenging tasks releases dopamine, the feel-good chemical that can elevate your mood. By integrating a variety of activities into your routine—such as learning a new skill, pursuing hobbies, or taking on new responsibilities—you can create a dynamic and fulfilling daily experience.
However, it’s crucial to balance these activities with adequate rest and self-care. Overloading your schedule to the point of exhaustion defeats the purpose. Instead, aim to create a balanced routine that includes both stimulating activities and time for relaxation and recovery.
Using a daily planner can help you manage this balance effectively. Schedule a mix of activities, from essential tasks to enjoyable pursuits, and track your progress. By maintaining this balance, you’ll experience increased engagement and satisfaction, preventing burnout while fostering a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Principal 5: Stay On Track By Sharing Momentary Victories
Sharing your successes and positive experiences with others can be a powerful motivator and enhance your sense of achievement. Evolutionarily, humans thrived on social connections and community support, which still plays a crucial role in our emotional well-being today.
When you achieve a goal or experience a positive outcome, sharing it with others can amplify your sense of accomplishment. For instance, if you successfully complete a challenging project, telling friends or colleagues about your achievement can provide a boost of validation and encouragement. This social reinforcement helps solidify your progress and keeps you motivated.
Moreover, sharing these victories can strengthen your relationships and create a supportive network around your goals. When others celebrate your successes with you, it enhances your emotional resilience and encourages continued effort toward your objectives.
To make the most of this principle, regularly update your support network on your progress and celebrate small wins together. This practice not only boosts your morale but also fosters a sense of community and mutual support, making your journey towards your goals more fulfilling and sustainable.
References
- Hershenberg R. Activating happiness: A jump-start guide to overcoming low motivation, depression, or just feeling stuck. New Harbinger Publications; 2017 Dec 1.