January 26, 2025 | #24 | read on The Happier Studio | Free Version
Welcome to The Happier Newsletter, a weekly newsletter where I provide actionable ideas to help you build a happier, healthier, and more meaningful life.
What’s On Today
- Change Your Words, Change Your Mind
- 3 Steps to Change Your Language
- 3 Things I’m Grateful For This Week
Change Your Words, Change Your Mind
Have you ever ended the day feeling completely drained, even though nothing extraordinary happened?
You think back: “I had to clean the house. I had to finish that report. I had to pick up the kids. I had to make dinner.”
It’s not the tasks themselves, but the way they feel—like a series of burdens, obligations you didn’t choose. It’s no wonder you’re exhausted.
But what if you changed just one phrase? What if, instead of saying “I have to,” you said “I get to”?
- I get to clean the house because I have a space to call home.
- I get to finish this report because my work matters.
- I get to pick up the kids because I have the privilege of time with them.
- I get to make dinner because I can nourish myself and my family.
It sounds small, but the shift is powerful. Words aren’t just words—they influence your brain, your emotions, and how you experience the world. Here’s why this works:
- Words Shape Your Reality. The way you talk to yourself determines how you feel about your life. Phrases like “I have to” can make you feel trapped and resentful, as though you’re carrying burdens you can’t escape. Replacing them with “I get to” reframes those same moments as opportunities—reminding you of the choice, meaning, and gratitude hiding within them.
- Gratitude Changes Your Brain. Neuroscience shows that gratitude activates a part of the brain that’s responsible for emotional regulation, motivation, and happiness. A 2017 study published in Scientific Reports found that practising gratitude not only reduces stress but also improves overall well-being. You’re not just changing your language—you’re rewiring your brain.
- Cortisol vs. Dopamine. Negative phrases like “I have to” trigger the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, which can leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed. On the other hand, reframing those words to “I get to” stimulates the release of dopamine and serotonin—the neurotransmitters that boost mood, energy, and motivation. It’s a chemical shift that makes a noticeable difference.
For the next 24 hours, I challenge you to notice every time you say “I have to.” Catch it. Pause. Then reframe it: “I get to.”
Instead of saying, “I have to go to the gym,” try “I get to take care of my body and health.”
Instead of, “I have to wake up early,” say “I get to start the day with time to myself.”
At first, it might feel unnatural. But by shifting your language, you’re also shifting your mindset towards a happier one. At the end of the day, so much of what we have to do in life is something we’re lucky to experience.
3 Steps to Change Your Language
It can be hard to change the way we talk to ourselves, especially when we’ve been using the same phrases for years. Shifting from “I have to” to “I get to” might sound simple, but where do you start?
Here are three steps to help you build this powerful habit and change the way you experience your day:
Step 1: Notice the Patterns
The first step is awareness. Pay attention to how often you say things like “I have to,” “I should,” or “I must.” These phrases can sneak into your thoughts and conversations without you even realising. By noticing them, you create an opportunity to shift your mindset.
Take note of when these words come up, whether it’s about your work, your family, or even small tasks. Just catching yourself in the act is a powerful step toward change.
Step 2: Reframe Your Words
Once you’ve noticed the pattern, the next step is to reframe it. Replace burdened, negative phrases with ones that feel empowering and intentional.
- Instead of saying, “I have to finish this report,” say, “I get to contribute something meaningful.”
- Instead of, “I’m stuck doing this,” say, “I choose to do this because it matters.”
By reframing your words, you’ll feel a greater sense of control, gratitude, and opportunity—even in the mundane moments.
Step 3: Start With Gratitude
Set the tone for your day by starting with a quick gratitude exercise. Each morning, write down three things you get to dothat day.
For example:
- “I get to learn something new today.”
- “I get to connect with my family after work.”
- “I get to take care of my health by going for a walk.”
This small practice shifts your focus away from burdens and toward opportunities. It helps you see that even in life’s routines, there’s something to be thankful for.
The more you practise this shift, the more natural it becomes. And before long, you’ll notice how much lighter your days feel.
3 Things I’m Grateful For This Week
- Being able to come along with my best friend to help her shop for her wedding dress ❤️
- To take my family to the Efteling for the first time (amusement park in the NL; very fond memories as a child)
- Exploring Amsterdam with my family
What are you grateful for this week?
