I used to think happiness was all about achieving success and hitting every goal as quickly as possible. If I wasn’t feeling happy, I assumed something was wrong with me. But over time, I realised that tying happiness to success—and expecting constant happiness—leads to disappointment.
That shift in perspective didn’t happen overnight, though. It came down to following three simple steps. Here they are.
1. Understand
If you want to experience more happiness, you need to understand what happiness truly is. It’s not just about having more good days than bad—it’s about knowing the science behind it.
In The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking by Edward B. Burger and Michael Starbird, they explain how effective thinking is the foundation for improvement in any area of life. They break it down into five steps, each linked to a natural element: Earth, Fire, Air, Water, and Change.
- Ground your Thinking (Earth): Understand Deeply
- Ignite Insights through Failure (Fire): Learn from Mistakes
- Create Questions from Thin Air (Air): Ask Challenging Questions
- Tap on the Flow of Ideas (Water): Look Forward & Backward
- Transform yourself (The Quintessential Element): Engage Change
For our purposes, focus on the first element: Earth, which represents building a solid foundation of understanding. We all carry biases and assumptions. True understanding means recognising and challenging those biases while staying open to new ideas.
To build this foundation, here are two principles:
Learn Beyond Memorising
It’s not enough to know facts—you need to understand why they matter. Instead of just following a recipe and adding a spice, understand why that spice enhances the flavour. This deeper understanding turns facts into knowledge.
Go Back to the Basics
Mastery starts with the fundamentals. Before you dive into complex ideas, focus on the core concepts. Bruce Lee said it best: “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.” Master the basics, and you’ll be ready for anything.
2. Apply
Many people wait for happiness to magically appear. But here’s the truth: happiness comes from the actions you take. As the Dalai Lama said, “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
In The How of Happiness, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky identifies three factors that influence happiness:
- Circumstances (10%) – Things like your job, relationships, and income only account for a small part of your happiness. We often believe changing our circumstances will bring lasting happiness, but that’s not the case due to something called hedonic adaptation—we quickly get used to new situations.
- Genes (50%) – Your genetic makeup plays a significant role in determining your happiness baseline. While you can’t change your genes, being aware of their influence helps you manage your expectations.
- Habits (40%) – This is where you have the most control. By developing habits that promote happiness, you can increase your overall well-being, regardless of your circumstances or genetics.
The key takeaway? Focus on building habits that support happiness. But remember, you have to put in the work—just thinking about it won’t cut it.
As one essay puts it:
Preparing to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Scheduling time to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Making a to-do list for the thing isn't doing the thing. Telling people you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Messaging friends who may or may not be doing the thing isn't doing the thing. Writing a banger tweet about how you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Hating on yourself for not doing the thing isn't doing the thing. Hating on other people who have done the thing isn't doing the thing. Hating on the obstacles in the way of doing the thing isn't doing the thing. Fantasizing about all of the adoration you'll receive once you do the thing isn't doing the thing. Reading about how to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Reading about how other people did the thing isn't doing the thing. Reading this essay isn't doing the thing. The only thing that is doing the thing is doing the thing.
3. Share
Finally, happiness isn’t something to keep to yourself. When you share your knowledge and experience with others, not only do you help them, but you also reinforce your own happiness.
Sharing your insights creates a ripple effect, strengthens your connections, and opens doors to new opportunities. Plus, it feels good to lift others up.
In the end, happiness is about more than just feeling good—it’s about understanding, applying, and sharing what you’ve learned.
Follow these three steps: understand, apply, and share—and you’ll find that the shift towards happiness happens naturally.