February 23, 2025 | #28 | read on The Happier Studio | Free Version
Welcome to The Happier Newsletter, a weekly newsletter where I provide actionable ideas to help you build a happier, healthier, and more meaningful life.
What’s On Today
- Solomon's Paradox: Why We Give Better Advice Than We Take
- Mastering Perspective: How to Think More Clearly
- 3 Things I’m Grateful For This Week
Solomon's Paradox: Why We Give Better Advice Than We Take
Humans are brilliant at giving advice—but terrible at taking it.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to offer a friend clear, rational guidance when they’re struggling, yet when you face a similar dilemma, your own thoughts feel like a tangled mess?
You’re not alone!
This is called Solomon’s Paradox, named after the famously wise King Solomon, who dispensed brilliant advice yet made disastrous decisions in his own life.
King Solomon's Paradox
King Solomon, the legendary ruler of ancient Israel, was renowned for his wisdom. From the moment he took the throne after his father, King David, people admired his fair and insightful leadership.
Rulers and citizens alike sought his advice, trusting him to settle disputes. One famous story tells of two women claiming to be the mother of the same baby. With no clear evidence, Solomon proposed a shocking test: he would cut the child in half. One woman immediately gave up her claim to save the baby’s life, revealing herself as the true mother. This judgment cemented Solomon’s reputation as a wise and just king.
Yet, despite his wisdom, Solomon failed to follow his own advice. As he grew older, he became consumed by wealth, luxury, and political marriages. His once-clear judgment faded, and desire replaced reason. The man who had built a kingdom on wisdom fell into the very traps he had warned others about.
His story is a strong lesson: wisdom is not just about knowledge. True wisdom is applying it in our own lives. It’s one thing to give advice, but it’s much harder to live by it.
Why We Struggle to Take Our Own Advice
Our brains see other people’s problems more clearly than our own. When advising a friend, we step back, think logically, and remove emotions. But when it’s our own issue, we overthink, doubt ourselves, and get lost in emotions, making it hard to see the best choice.
This keeps us stuck in unfulfilling jobs, relationships, or habits.
For example, you tell a friend to leave a toxic relationship, reminding them they deserve happiness and respect. You point out the red flags and assure them that leaving isn’t failure—it’s choosing themselves.
But when it’s your own relationship, it feels different. You cling to good memories, make excuses, and fear the unknown. Even when you know deep down it’s not right, taking action feels impossible.
The same wisdom you give others is hard to follow yourself—not because the situation is different, but because emotions cloud judgment. This is Solomon’s Paradox in action.
Beating Solomon’s Paradox: 3 Strategies to Make Wiser Decisions
Luckily, research suggests a few simple strategies to overcome this bias and make better decisions in our own lives:
- Third-Person Thinking: Studies show that referring to yourself in the third person (e.g., "What should Shannen do?") creates psychological distance, making it easier to view problems objectively.
- The 'Best Friend' Rule: When feeling stuck, ask yourself: What would I tell my best friend if they were in my situation? More often than not, you already know the answer—you just need to listen to your own wisdom.
- Write It Down: Journaling forces clarity. Describe your problem as if you were writing a letter to someone else. By externalising your thoughts, you can spot solutions that were hidden in the fog of your emotions.
Mastering Perspective: How to Think More Clearly
If Solomon’s Paradox shows us anything, it’s that gaining perspective is key to making better decisions. Here’s another powerful strategy: Cognitive Reframing.
What is Cognitive Reframing?
Cognitive reframing is a psychological technique that helps people change how they think about situations, events, and emotions.
Imagine you’ve just been passed over for a promotion at work. Your first reaction might be frustration, disappointment, or even self-doubt—Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I’ll never move forward in my career.
But through cognitive reframing, you can shift your perspective, and instead of seeing it as a failure, ask yourself:
🔹 What can I learn from this? Maybe the person who got the role has skills you can develop.
🔹 What new opportunities does this create? Perhaps this is a chance to explore a different path that aligns better with your strengths.
🔹 How would my future self view this moment? In five years, you might look back and realise this setback pushed you toward something even better.
How to Apply Cognitive Reframing
By consciously choosing a more empowering perspective, you can turn setbacks into stepping stones and navigate life with greater clarity and resilience. Here’s how:
- Zoom Out: Imagine your problem five years from now. Will it still matter? Often, our biggest worries shrink when we take a long-term perspective.
- Find the Lesson: Ask, What is this teaching me? Every challenge contains insight—find it.
- Adopt a Growth Mindset: Instead of seeing problems as evidence of failure, view them as invitations to grow.
Outsmarting your own mind starts with shifting how you see your struggles.
3 Things I’m Grateful For This Week
- I'm grateful for my wife, who always supports me and stands by me whenever I'm having a tough time.
- I'm grateful for my son, who always brings a smile to my face.
- I'm grateful for the opportunities I have—whether in work, learning, or creativity—to grow, make an impact, and shape a meaningful life.
What are you grateful for this week?
