We live in a world where it’s easy to measure our worth against others. Social media highlights curated snapshots of success, and societal expectations push us to measure ourselves against external benchmarks. But there’s a common saying that rings true for anyone caught in the comparison trap:
Comparison is the thief of joy.
When we constantly measure ourselves against others, we end up feeling inadequate, even if we’re progressing in meaningful ways. But shifting our focus from comparison to self-competition—where the only person we aim to be better than is who we were yesterday—can lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life.
The Problem with Comparing Yourself to Others
Human beings are naturally wired to compare; it’s one way we gauge our place in the world. But modern life has amplified this tendency. Instead of comparing ourselves in a limited social circle, we’re exposed to a near-infinite range of lives, achievements, and curated successes. This level of exposure creates a few key problems:
- We’re Comparing Our Behind-the-Scenes to Others’ Highlights: When we compare, we’re often seeing an idealised, curated version of someone else’s life. This filtered reality can make us feel that we’re falling short, even if we’re making genuine progress. The truth is, every person has struggles and insecurities that go unseen. Realising this can help us to be kinder to ourselves.
- It Fuels a Scarcity Mindset: Comparison breeds the belief that success and happiness are limited resources. When we see someone else succeed, we may feel that there’s less left for us. In reality, success isn’t a finite resource; others’ accomplishments don’t diminish our own potential. By shifting to a mindset of abundance, we allow ourselves to celebrate others’ wins and focus on our own journey.
- It Distracts Us from Our Own Values: Constantly comparing ourselves to others can steer us away from what truly matters to us. We may end up pursuing goals that align more with societal expectations or other people’s achievements rather than with our own values and passions. Over time, this disconnect can lead to a lack of fulfilment, even if we appear successful on the surface.
Why Self-Comparison is the Healthier Path
Instead of looking outward, self-comparison—where we only measure ourselves against our past—helps us maintain a healthier perspective. Here’s how focusing on our own growth can transform the way we approach life:
- It Highlights Personal Progress: When we compare ourselves to our past, we can see how much we’ve grown, what we’ve overcome, and how far we’ve come. This practice shifts our mindset from “I’m not good enough” to “Look at how much I’ve learned and achieved.” Celebrating small wins and personal growth can boost our confidence and help us stay motivated.
- It Helps Us Align with Our True Values: Self-comparison encourages us to set goals that reflect our unique values and passions. Instead of chasing achievements that don’t truly resonate, we can focus on becoming the best version of ourselves. This approach fosters a sense of fulfilment and prevents the burnout that often comes from striving to meet others’ standards.
- It Builds Resilience: When we’re focused on our own journey, setbacks feel less overwhelming. We learn to see obstacles as part of the process rather than as signs of failure. Self-competition teaches us to treat challenges as opportunities for growth, making us more resilient in the face of life’s ups and downs.
How to Practise Healthy Self-Comparison
Making the shift from external comparison to self-comparison takes time, but here are a few strategies to get started:
- Set Personal Benchmarks: Instead of looking at others’ progress, create your own benchmarks based on your goals and values. Ask yourself, “What would make me feel proud in a year?” Use this as a guide to track your growth rather than relying on external metrics.
- Reflect Regularly on Your Progress: Take time each week or month to reflect on your progress. Journaling is a powerful tool for this; you can write about what you’ve achieved, what challenges you’ve faced, and what you’re grateful for. Regular reflection can help you stay connected to your goals and appreciate how far you’ve come.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t wait until you’ve reached a big milestone to celebrate. Acknowledge the little victories along the way, whether it’s learning a new skill, completing a project, or taking time for self-care. These small moments of self-acknowledgement build confidence and reinforce positive self-comparison.
- Shift Your Focus from Outcome to Process: Instead of fixating on end results, focus on the process and what you’re learning along the way. Life is not just about reaching goals; it’s about the experiences, lessons, and growth that happen in between. By focusing on the journey, you’ll find more joy and satisfaction in each step forward.
Embracing Self-Competition for a More Joyful Life
Choosing to measure yourself only against your past self isn’t about ignoring others or dismissing their achievements. It’s about keeping the focus on what truly matters to you. By shifting away from external comparison, you can nurture a mindset that values growth, resilience, and personal fulfilment.
In a world filled with constant comparisons, practising self-competition is a powerful way to cultivate joy. Remember, the only person you need to be better than is who you were yesterday. Letting go of external standards frees you to live authentically, embrace your own journey, and find meaning in the progress that truly matters.